What are your resolutions for the new year?
To get healthier, physically or mentally?
To better understand your finances and budget?
To keep a tidier home?
To finally make that career change?
Often, our New Year’s resolutions are for us as individuals — goals we set to work toward better versions of ourselves. When we talk about resolutions, we don’t often think about what we want for our marriages or relationships in the coming year.
Four years ago, we created an exercise at Austin Relational Wellness called the Relationship Vision Exercise. Since then, my husband and I have prioritized this exercise at the beginning of each new year. Not only does this help us to check-in surrounding shared goals, it has helped us actually take action on these goals. From saying “yes” to new experiences more often to actually sticking to a budget to prioritizing travel, we’ve actually seen meaningful results from this yearly practice.
For us, this exercise has turned into a yearly ritual of connection — something researchers and founders of Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Julie & John Gottman, dub as an important part of creating shared meaning and a strong relationship. This ritual is important to us because it’s a time to reflect on our relationship, celebrate the wins, and brainstorm about changes we want to make.
Communication about our wants, needs, and goals helps us to be present and intentional in our marriage. It helps us know one another better and build what the Gottman’s call Love Maps. It also helps us prevent future issues or misalignments from cropping up. The more we discuss what we want ahead of time, the more we can work toward these things together versus getting frustrated with the other for not participating or sharing our vision.
This week, my partner and I will be creating our 2022 Relationship Vision, and I’d like to challenge you to do the same. Take some time to focus on your relational health and to have the conversation as a couple to plan for the rest of the year. Re-evaluate what you each want together and think about what you need to get there.
What are your goals?
What challenges might you face?
And how can you each contribute and support one another throughout the year?
It’s simple — all you have to do is download the worksheet below to help guide your conversation, set a time to meet with your partner, maybe grab a bottle of wine, and just dream a little together. The act of writing down your shared vision can also help hold you each accountable and is nice to revisit when you’re wondering about your progress. If you each approach it with openness, it should be a connecting, meaningful exercise that leaves you feeling energized and motivated.
We’d love to hear how your experience went! And of course, if one of your goals is to make your relationship or marriage more of a priority this year, reach out to us to inquire about our Austin couples therapy services.
Article by Hannah Eubank, MA, LPC, LMFT