Top Self-Help Books to Read in 2025: Therapist-Recommended

 

As a licensed couples therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how the right book can serve as a powerful catalyst for personal growth, healing, and self-awareness. The self-help genre continues to evolve, with authors tackling everything from mental health and relationships to productivity and emotional resilience. If you're looking for guidance or inspiration in 2025, here are some of my recommendations. 

1. "The Power of Tiny Habits" by BJ Fogg 

Small actions create big change—this core idea from behavioral scientist BJ Fogg remains as relevant as ever. This book provides practical strategies for building habits that stick, with an emphasis on starting small. Whether you're working on improving your mental health or tackling daily productivity, Fogg’s insights are game-changing. 

Therapist's Take: I recommend this book to clients who feel overwhelmed by change. It shows how incremental progress can lead to profound transformation over time. 

2. "Atlas of the Heart" by Brené Brown 

Brené Brown's exploration of human emotions offers a roadmap for understanding ourselves and connecting with others. She delves into 87 distinct emotions and experiences, helping readers expand their emotional vocabulary and build empathy. 

Therapist's Take: This book is an excellent resource for clients working on emotional intelligence, relationship challenges, or self-compassion. 

3. "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle" by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski 

In an age where burnout is increasingly common, this book provides actionable advice for managing stress and completing the stress cycle. The Nagoski sisters blend science and storytelling to offer practical solutions for restoring balance. 

Therapist's Take: I frequently recommend this book to clients who struggle with chronic stress, perfectionism, or feelings of overwhelm. 

4. "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab 

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being, yet they’re often difficult to establish. Nedra Glover Tawwab offers clear guidance for identifying, setting, and maintaining boundaries in all areas of life. 

Therapist's Take: This is a must-read for anyone learning to prioritize their needs without guilt. It’s an empowering resource for managing relationships and self-care. 

5. "Emotional Agility" by Susan David 

In this rapidly changing world, the ability to navigate emotions with flexibility is crucial. Susan David offers a science-backed framework for building emotional resilience and embracing life’s complexities. 

Therapist's Take: This book is especially valuable for clients experiencing transitions or seeking to align their actions with their values.

6. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver

This groundbreaking book by renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman distills decades of research into practical relationship advice for building a strong and healthy partnership. It covers everything from managing conflict to fostering intimacy and emotional connection. 

Couples Therapist's Take: I often recommend this book to couples seeking actionable strategies to enhance their relationship. The exercises and insights make it a practical guide for any stage of a partnership. 

7. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson 

Rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book by Dr. Sue Johnson offers a roadmap for creating deeper bonds through meaningful conversations. It helps couples understand and respond to each other's emotional needs, fostering secure and loving connections. 

Couples Therapist's Take: This book is a wonderful resource for couples looking to rebuild trust, improve communication, or deepen their emotional intimacy. 

How to Choose the Right Book for You 

When selecting a self-help book, consider your current goals or challenges. Are you looking to improve your relationships, manage stress, or understand yourself better? The right book can feel like a conversation with a wise and supportive guide. 

Remember, books are tools—reading is just the beginning. Applying what you learn is where the real growth happens. If you’re exploring these topics and feel you need additional support, therapy can be an excellent space to deepen your insights and put them into practice.

At Austin Relational Wellness, we offer therapy services aimed at helping individuals navigate their challenges and enhance their relationships. Partner with a professional and get tailored guidance and a safe space to deepen your insights and implement positive changes in your life!

 

Building a Healthy Relationship with Gratitude: Insights from Couples Therapy

 

As an Austin couples therapy provider, I often see how simple expressions of gratitude can bring couples closer together. Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you” now and then—it’s about intentionally recognizing and appreciating your partner’s efforts, qualities, and the love they bring into your life. In this blog post, I’ll share a few practical, meaningful ways to express gratitude to your partner, creating deeper emotional connection and harmony in your relationship. If you’re considering couples therapy or Austin marriage counseling, practicing gratitude can be a great starting point.

1. Make It a Daily Practice 

Gratitude thrives on consistency. Incorporate small moments of appreciation into your daily routine. Whether it’s thanking your partner for doing the dishes, picking up groceries, or just being there for you, regular acknowledgment of their contributions reinforces the idea that you value them. This daily practice compliments the work many couples do in couples therapy to strengthen their bond.

2. Use Specific and Heartfelt Language 

Instead of generic thank-yous, focus on what makes your gratitude personal and meaningful. For example, instead of saying, “Thanks for dinner,” try, “I really loved the way you made dinner tonight—it was exactly what I needed after a long day.” Being specific shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely value their effort.

3. Give Compliments Beyond the Surface 

While it’s nice to say, “You look great,” try focusing on deeper attributes. Express admiration for their kindness, resilience, or sense of humor. A comment like, “I love how thoughtful you were in helping me prepare for that meeting,” highlights their unique qualities and deepens your connection. Complimenting these traits can also align with the strategies you’ll learn in couples therapy.

4. Surprise Them With Thoughtful Gestures 

Actions often speak louder than words. Surprise your partner with a gesture that reflects your gratitude: 

  • Cook their favorite meal or dessert. 

  • Leave a note of appreciation in a place they’ll find it unexpectedly. 

  • Plan an activity you know they love. 

These small acts show that you’ve been thinking about them and want to make them feel valued.

5. Acknowledge Their Efforts in Challenging Times 

Gratitude is especially impactful when your partner is going through a tough time. Let them know you see their efforts: “I know things have been stressful at work, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for us.”  Couples who attend marriage counseling or couples therapy often find that acknowledgment of effort builds resilience during tough times.

6. Create a Ritual of Gratitude Together 

Consider setting aside time each week to share what you’re grateful for in each other. This could be during a quiet dinner, a weekly check-in, or even before bedtime. A gratitude ritual fosters a culture of appreciation and positivity in your relationship, a practice that many couples refine during couples therapy or marriage counseling.

7. Celebrate Their Individual Achievements 

Gratitude also means supporting and celebrating your partner’s accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Recognize their efforts in personal or professional growth: “I’m so proud of how you handled that project. Your hard work really paid off.” 

8. Be Present and Attentive

Sometimes, the best way to show gratitude is simply to be present. Listen actively when your partner speaks, and show interest in their thoughts and feelings. Your undivided attention is one of the most meaningful ways to say, “I value you.” This attentiveness and ability to “turn toward” one another is a cornerstone of healthy communication and is central to our work in marriage counseling or couples therapy.

Expressing gratitude isn’t just about improving your partner’s day—it’s about nurturing the foundation of your relationship. Start small, stay consistent, and watch how appreciation can transform your connection over time. 

How will you show gratitude to your partner today?

If you’re looking for additional support to strengthen your relationship, consider exploring Austin couples therapy or marriage counseling. At Austin Relational Wellness, we have both in-person couples therapy and online marriage counseling options. Reach out today to schedule a free phone consultation or schedule an appointment online.

 

Meet Austin Couples Therapist Lauren Little

 

Tell us a little about your background as a therapist…

Hello there! My name is Lauren Little, and I am an Austin, TX-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) Associate seeing individuals, couples, and other relational units. As an Austin couples therapist, I work with a variety of clients and draw on my training in several therapeutic models, including Attachment Theory, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Additionally, I have received specific training in grief and loss, spiritual harm and religious trauma, and sex therapy. 

Why did you choose to become a therapist?

For the past decade, I have worked as a pediatric nurse caring for patients and their families facing chronic and terminal illnesses. My passion has always been to offer compassionate, holistic care. Over time, I found myself especially drawn to the mental health side of caring for others. My own experience in therapy has had a profound impact on me and ultimately inspired me to pursue graduate school. I went on to complete my Master’s in Counseling at Texas State University and pursued additional counseling training for couples therapy and other populations, further deepening my commitment to helping others on their healing journey.

What are you passionate about in the therapy room?

My training reflects the many passions that led me to become a therapist. As an Austin couples therapist, I am especially passionate about working with couples and individuals who seek deeper intimacy within their relationships and wish to overcome challenges in emotional and physical connection. I enjoy working with clients who desire a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships with others.

Additionally, I am deeply committed to supporting clients who have experienced grief or loss, addressing the many aspects of life that can be impacted by these experiences. I am also particularly passionate about working with individuals who have experienced spiritual harm or religious abuse, helping them heal and rebuild a healthy sense of self.

In my work with individuals, I am dedicated to supporting those navigating life transitions, managing anxiety and depression, and those who may have experienced trauma or have developmental trauma histories.

Beyond the therapy space, what do you enjoy?

Outside of sessions, I cherish time with my husband and our baby girl. Together we love exploring Austin and find joy in the food and coffee scene. Catching live music or sitting down to a meal with family and friends are other favorite activities. If I’m not doing these things, I enjoy a good yoga flow, getting lost in a book, or finishing a sewing project. I am currently working on a quilt and learning how to two-step!

Looking for an Austin couples therapist or individual therapist? Reach out to Lauren to schedule a free 15-minute phone consult!

 

The Attach Phase: Creating Connection and Safety with the Gottman Method

 

Welcome to the final post in our series on the Gottman Method for affair recovery (aka, Gottman Trust Revival Method). If you’ve been following along with this series, you’re already familiar with the first two phases: Atone and Attune. These phases guide couples through the raw, painful emotions following the discovery of an affair and help them begin to understand and empathize with each other. Now, we’re moving into the third and final phase: Attach. 

Understanding the Attach Phase in the Gottman Method for Affair Recovery

Attachment is about reconnecting and reestablishing emotional safety. This phase focuses on deepening your emotional bond and reigniting intimacy, both physical and emotional. It's where the focus shifts to building a relationship that can withstand future challenges, deepening the bond that may have been neglected or damaged over time. 

By the time a couple reaches the Attachment phase, they’ve already worked through the initial stages of shock and anger in the Atone phase and learned to understand what led to the affair in the Attune phase. Now, they face the ultimate challenge—rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy. This is where couples explore what it means to reconnect in a vulnerable, yet deeply loving, way.

Key Components of the Attach Phase 

  1. Rebuilding Emotional Trust 

    Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and after an affair, trust can feel shattered. In this phase, the betrayed partner begins to feel safe enough to trust again, while the partner who had the affair demonstrates reliability and emotional availability. Both partners must continue being transparent, compassionate, and honest with each other. 

    Therapeutically, this might involve exercises designed to enhance emotional safety, such as learning to express vulnerabilities and meeting each other’s emotional needs. These are crucial skills that can help prevent future betrayals and misunderstandings. 

  2. Reigniting Physical Intimacy 

    One of the most sensitive aspects of affair recovery is the re-establishment of physical intimacy. Physical connection is often tied to feelings of safety, trust, and emotional closeness, all of which have likely been severely affected by the affair. 

    In therapy, couples are encouraged to discuss their fears, desires, and boundaries openly when it comes to physical intimacy. This process can help repair the sexual bond, but it’s important to understand that for some couples, this part of the recovery may take time. The goal is to help couples feel emotionally connected again before focusing on physical closeness. 

  3. Creating Shared Meaning & Future Goals 

    Affair recovery is not just about healing from the betrayal; it’s about rebuilding a relationship that is meaningful and resilient. In the Attachment phase, couples are encouraged to create shared meaning in their relationship—identifying common goals, values, and dreams for the future. This is the time to discuss what each partner needs to feel secure and connected, as well as how to continue building a relationship that honors both partners' needs.

  4. Establishing a New Relationship Narrative 

    Part of moving forward involves redefining the story of your relationship. The affair will always be part of your shared history, but in the Attachment phase, couples work on creating a new narrative—one that acknowledges the past without being defined by it.

    Couples may need to reframe the affair in a way that allows for healing and growth rather than letting it overshadow all the positive aspects of the relationship. This narrative-building can help both partners feel that they are writing the next chapter of their story together. 

Rebuilding Attachment After Infidelity

Attachment doesn’t happen overnight, and the wounds from infidelity don’t heal on a set timeline. For many couples, the attachment phase is where true reconciliation occurs, but it requires continued commitment from both partners. Vulnerability, patience, and the willingness to explore emotional and physical connection are key to making this phase successful. 

Rebuilding attachment after an affair isn’t just about fixing what's broken—it’s about creating something new and enduring. While the road to recovery is long and complex, therapy can offer the tools, support, and guidance needed to navigate this difficult journey.

Contact us today to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation and set up a couples therapy appointment to begin healing your relationship.

 

The Attune Phase: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity with the Gottman Method

 

In the first post of this series on the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy affair recovery model—also referred to as the Gottman Trust Revival Method—I delved into the essence of this transformative approach created by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Designed to guide couples through the deep emotional pain of infidelity, this structured model offers a pathway to healing and rebuilding trust.

In the second blog post in this series, we delved into the first phase in couples therapy for affair recovery: Atonement. This is a crucial phase where the couple begins to address the initial shock and emotional trauma of the affair. It involves acknowledging the betrayal, expressing genuine remorse, and allowing space for the hurt partner to express their pain. As challenging as this phase can be, it's a necessary foundation for the healing journey ahead. 

In this post, we move into the second phase: Attunement. This phase is about rebuilding the emotional connection between partnerss well as learning to understand each other deeply, listening with empathy, and validating feelings without defensiveness or dismissiveness. This phase is where the true rebuilding of trust and intimacy begins. 

Understanding the Attune Phase in the Gottman Method for Affair Recovery

The Attunement phase is about rebuilding emotional trust and understanding between partners. After the initial phase of "Atonement," where the betrayed partner's pain and anger are acknowledged and validated, Phase 2 shifts the focus to fostering empathy, open communication, and emotional connection. This phase is not just about talking through the infidelity or affair but truly understanding each other's feelings and experiences at a deeper level. 

Key Components of the Attune Phase 

  1. Deep Conversations: During this phase, couples are guided to have meaningful conversations about their relationship, including what led to the infidelity and the impact it had on both partners. These conversations are designed to help the couple understand not just the surface-level details but the underlying emotional needs that were unmet.

  2. Building a Culture of Appreciation: The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of fostering positive interactions and building a culture of appreciation and respect. This involves recognizing and verbalizing the things each partner values in the other, which can help to rebuild the couple's emotional intimacy.

  3. Learning to Self-Soothe: Part of the healing process involves learning how to manage one's own emotions and self-soothe during difficult conversations. This skill is essential for avoiding emotional flooding, which at times may lead to defensive behavior and further conflict.

  4. Practicing Effective Conflict Management: The attunement phase also includes learning how to manage conflicts constructively. This means addressing issues in a way that promotes understanding and resolution rather than escalating tension.

Common Challenges in the Attunement Phase 

While this phase is crucial for healing, it’s not without its challenges. It’s normal for couples to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions involved. Here are a few common hurdles that might occur during the attunement phase: 

  1. Fear of Reopening Wounds: Many couples fear that discussing the infidelity in-depth will only reopen wounds. However, not talking about it can prevent healing. Therapy provides a structured environment where these conversations can happen safely.

  2. Difficulty in Understanding Each Other: Sometimes, one partner might struggle to understand the other’s feelings or perspective. This is where guided exercises and therapeutic techniques can help foster empathy and understanding.

  3. Temptation to Rush the Process: The healing process cannot be rushed. It’s important for both partners to move at a pace that feels right for them. Trying to push through this phase too quickly can lead to unresolved issues resurfacing later.

Moving Forward Together: Infidelity & Affair Recovery 

Attunement is a pivotal phase in the Gottman Method for affair recovery. It’s where couples often start to turn towards each other again, rebuilding their emotional connection and trust. If you’re considering therapy for infidelity or affair recovery, know that this phase is a journey—one that requires patience, effort, and a willingness to be vulnerable. But it’s also a journey that can lead to profound healing and a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Reach out today to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation and schedule a couples therapy appointment to get on your way toward healing your relationship.

 

How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Strengthens Relationships: Applying Attachment Theory to Couples Therapy

 

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a type of therapy that focuses on helping individuals and couples understand and regulate their emotions to improve their relationships. EFT is a couples therapy model developed by psychologists Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg in the 1980s. The model draws on attachment theory, which suggests humans have an innate need for connection and emotional bonding with others.

More about Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is a psychological theory that explains how humans form emotional bonds with others, especially during early childhood. British psychoanalyst, John Bowlby, developed the theory in the 1950s, and other researchers, such as Mary Ainsworth and Mary Main, have since expanded upon it.

The basic premise of attachment theory is that humans have an innate need for emotional bonding and security. These needs are met through close relationships with caregivers, such as parents or other primary caregivers. Bowlby believed that infants and young children develop an internal working model based on their experiences with their caregivers and that this model shapes their future relationships and behaviors.

Attachment theory suggests that early experiences with caregivers can shape an individual's attachment style and that attachment styles can change over time based on new relationship experiences. Understanding attachment theory can help build stronger relationships and improve emotional regulation and communication skills.

EFT & Attachment Theory

In EFT, couples therapists work with clients to identify and express their emotions and needs in a safe and supportive environment. Through this process, clients can gain a deeper understanding of their own emotions and their partner's, leading to increased empathy and intimacy in the relationship.

EFT is shown to be effective for a variety of relationship problems, including communication difficulties, conflict, infidelity, affair recovery, disconnection, and emotional distance. EFT has also been used to treat individual issues such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

How is EFT Different from other Couples Therapy Models

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) differs from other couples therapy models in several ways. Here are some of the main differences:

  1. Focus on emotions: EFT strongly emphasizes emotions and how they impact relationships. An EFT couples therapist helps clients identify and express their emotions in a safe and supportive environment, which can lead to deeper understanding and connection with their partners.

  2. Attachment-based: EFT is based on attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of emotional bonding and security in relationships. EFT couples therapists help clients to identify their attachment styles and work to strengthen their emotional bonds with their partners.

  3. Short-term: EFT is typically a short-term couples therapy that involves between 8 and 20 sessions. The focus is on addressing the immediate issues in the relationship and helping clients to develop skills that they can use outside of couples therapy.

  4. Structured approach: EFT is a structured approach that involves specific steps and interventions. The couples therapist helps clients to identify negative patterns in their relationship and works to replace them with more positive and adaptive patterns.

  5. Involvement of the partner: EFT involves the partner in the couples therapy process, rather than just focusing on the individual. The therapist works to create a safe and supportive environment for both partners to express their emotions and needs.

Overall, EFT is a highly effective model of couples therapy and individual therapy that has been shown to be successful in treating a wide range of relationship issues. Its focus on emotions, attachment, and structured approach make it a unique and valuable tool for couples seeking to improve their relationships.

Article by Cat van der Westhuizen, LPC, LMFT

Offering Austin Couples Therapy and Individual Counseling

 

The Atone Phase: The Essential First Step in Affair Recovery in the Gottman Method

 

In my first post in this series regarding the Gottman Method Couples Therapy affair recovery model (aka, Gottman Trust Revival Method), I discussed an overview of this structured approach, designed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman to help couples heal from the deep wounds inflicted by infidelity. In this second blog post in this series, I will delve into the first crucial couples therapy for affair recovery phase: Atone. Infidelity is a profound breach of trust, often leaving the betrayed partner feeling shattered and the unfaithful partner engulfed in guilt and shame. The Atone phase is designed to address these intense emotions, setting the stage for genuine healing and reconciliation. Let’s explore what this phase entails and why it’s essential for your journey towards recovery. 

Understanding the Atone Phase in the Gottman Method for Affair Recovery

The Atone phase is all about addressing the immediate emotional fallout of the affair. This phase is critical as it sets the foundation for the healing process. Here’s what you can expect in this phase:

Key Components of the Atone Phase 

  1. Acknowledgment and Responsibility: The first step in atonement is for the unfaithful partner to fully acknowledge the affair and take responsibility for their actions. This means no excuses, no blame-shifting, and no minimizing the impact of the betrayal. Genuine acknowledgment shows the betrayed partner that their pain is seen and validated. 

  2. Expressing Remorse and Apology: A heartfelt apology goes beyond simply saying “I’m sorry.” It involves expressing genuine remorse and understanding the depth of the hurt caused. This includes acknowledging specific ways the affair has affected the betrayed partner emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically. 

  3. Open and Honest Communication: Transparency is crucial in this phase. The unfaithful partner must be willing to answer questions and provide details about the affair to help the betrayed partner make sense of what happened. This can be an incredibly painful process but is necessary for rebuilding trust. 

  4. Empathy and Understanding: Empathy involves truly listening to the betrayed partner’s feelings and showing a deep understanding of their pain. It’s important for the unfaithful partner to recognize and validate these feelings without becoming defensive or dismissive. 

  5. Setting Boundaries and Creating Safety: To begin rebuilding trust, both partners must agree on clear boundaries and actions to ensure the affair is truly over and will not happen again. This might include transparency with phones and social media, regular check-ins, and agreeing to avoid situations that might lead to temptation. 

The Role of the Betrayed Partner 

While the primary focus of the Atone phase is on the actions of the unfaithful partner, the betrayed partner also has a crucial role. It’s important to express your feelings and needs clearly, ask questions, and seek the reassurance necessary for your healing. However, it’s equally vital to recognize that immediate forgiveness is not a requirement at this stage. Healing takes time, and the atone phase is just the beginning. 

The atone phase is a challenging yet vital part of the affair recovery journey. It requires immense courage and vulnerability from both partners. By fully engaging in this phase, you lay the groundwork for the subsequent phases: Attune and Attach, where deeper emotional healing and reconnection will occur. 

If you’re considering starting couples therapy for affair recovery, know that you’re taking a brave step toward healing. The road may feel long and tough, but with the right guidance and commitment, affair recovery and even a renewed relationship are possible. Reach out to me today to schedule a free phone consultation and get started on your healing journey.

 

6 Strategies to Help Couples Navigate Life Transitions as a Team

 

Major life transitions, such as moving to a new city, having a baby, or changing careers, can bring about significant changes in a couple's dynamic. While these transitions can be exciting, they can also be challenging and stressful. In this blog post, we'll explore strategies for couples to support each other during these significant changes and maintain a strong, healthy relationship.

Understanding Major Life Transitions

Common Types of Life Transitions

    • Relocation: Moving to a new home or city

    • Career Changes: Starting a new job or business, changing careers, or going back to school

    • Family Changes: Getting married, having a baby, dealing with a family illness, or caring for aging parents

    • Financial Changes: Significant changes in income, such as a job loss or major investment

Common Challenges for Couples Experiencing Life Transitions

    • Stress and Anxiety: Uncertainty and fear of the unknown

    • Communication Breakdown: Misunderstandings and lack of communication

    • Different Coping Mechanisms: Each partner may handle stress differently

Strategies for Navigating Life Transitions

  1. Open Communication

    • Regular Check-Ins: Schedule time to talk about each partner’s feelings, needs, concerns, and expectations.

    • Active Listening: Listen to each other without interrupting and validate each other’s feelings.

    • Transparency: Be honest about your needs and worries.

    • Refrain from Criticizing: Transitions are difficult enough. Focus on your partner’s positive qualities and refrain from criticizing during conversations.

    • Check your Defensiveness: With increased stress and anxiety, it’s easy to be defensive and blaming. Manage your defensiveness and own your part to help conversations go more smoothly.

  2. Set Realistic Expectations

    • Manage Expectations: Understand that things might not go as planned and be prepared to adapt.

    • Be Patient: Allow time for adjustment, and don’t rush the process.

  3. Work as a Team

    • Share Responsibilities: Divide tasks and support each other in managing the workload.

    • Problem-Solve Together: Approach challenges as a team rather than individually.

  4. Seek Support

    • Professional Help: Consider seeing a couples therapist to help navigate the transition.

    • Support Networks: Lean on friends and family for additional support.

  5. Self-Care and Mutual Care

    • Personal Well-being: Take time for self-care activities to reduce stress.

    • Quality Time Together: Spend time doing enjoyable activities to strengthen your bond.

  6. Celebrate Milestones

    • Acknowledge Progress: Celebrate small wins and progress in your journey.

    • Create Positive Memories: Focus on creating positive experiences together.

Navigating these transitions alone can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. The strategies outlined may seem simple, but they can be difficult to implement when you’re in the midst of stress, anxiety, and communication difficulties. Our couples therapy services are designed to help you and your partner manage these changes and come out stronger on the other side.

If you’re facing a significant life transition and need support, contact us today to schedule a free consultation for Austin couples therapy and take the first step toward a healthier, happier relationship. Let us help you turn these challenges into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

Article by Hannah Eubank, LPC, LMFT

Contact us for Austin Couples Therapy through the link below

 

The Three Phases of Affair Recovery in the Gottman Method

 

Infidelity can feel like a betrayal like no other, leaving both partners in a relationship reeling with pain, confusion, and distrust. As a couples therapist, I've seen the devastation and the pain that an affair can cause, but I've also witnessed the remarkable resilience and healing that can emerge from these impossible hard times. The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, offers a structured and compassionate approach to navigating affair recovery. In this Intro post to this blog series, I'll state the three phases of affair recovery according to the Gottman Method, providing you with key components of what is explored and addressed in each of the different phases of affair recovery.

Phase 1: Atonement

Understanding the Wound

The first phase of affair recovery is Atonement, where the primary focus is on understanding and addressing the profound wound caused by the affair. During this phase, the unfaithful partner must take full responsibility for their actions, express genuine remorse, and work to rebuild trust. Here are some key components of this phase:

  • Honesty and Transparency: The unfaithful partner needs to be completely honest about the affair, answering any questions their partner may have. Transparency about past actions and current behaviors is crucial in rebuilding trust.

  • Validation of Pain: The betrayed partner's feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal must be validated. It's essential for the unfaithful partner to listen empathetically and acknowledge the depth of the pain they've caused.

  • Expressing Remorse: Sincere apologies and expressions of regret are vital. The unfaithful partner should show through words and actions that they understand the gravity of their betrayal and are committed to making amends.

During this phase, couples may often experience intense emotions and difficult conversations. As a couples therapist, my role is to facilitate these conversations, ensuring both partners feel heard and understood.

Phase 2: Attunement

Rebuilding Connection

Once the initial pain has been addressed and the unfaithful partner has taken responsibility, the couple can move into the Attunement phase. This phase focuses on rebuilding emotional connection and intimacy. Here are some factors that could be addressed during this phase:

  • Open Communication: Couples learn to communicate more effectively, expressing their needs, fears, and desires without blame or defensiveness. This helps in re-establishing a sense of safety and closeness.

  • Emotional Attunement: Partners work on becoming more attuned to each other’s emotional states. This involves recognizing and responding to each other’s emotional cues, fostering a deeper emotional bond.

  • Conflict Resolution: Learning healthy ways to handle conflicts is crucial. The Gottman Method emphasizes techniques such as gentle start-ups, accepting influence, and making effective repairs after disagreements.

  • Rebuilding Trust: Trust is rebuilt through consistent, trustworthy behavior. The partner who had the affair needs to be transparent and reliable, while the betrayed partner works on slowly opening up to trust again.

During the Attunement phase, couples often begin to see glimpses of hope and start to reconnect on an emotional level. It's a time of gradual healing, where the relationship starts to feel safer and more supportive.

Phase 3: Attachment

Creating a New Future Together

The final phase of affair recovery is Attachment, where the couple focuses on strengthening their bond and building a new, healthier relationship. This phase involves:

  • Shared Goals and Dreams: Couples explore their hopes and dreams for the future, setting shared goals that give their relationship direction and purpose.

  • Rituals of Connection: Establishing new rituals for connection helps maintain the bond. This can include regular date nights, shared hobbies, or daily check-ins to stay emotionally connected.

  • Continued Growth: Affair recovery is an ongoing process. Couples commit to continuous growth, both individually and as a couple, seeking to improve their relationship dynamics and maintain their connection.

In this last phase, couples often find a renewed sense of partnership and commitment. They have moved beyond the pain of the affair and are now focused on building a future together, fortified by the hard work they’ve done to repair their relationship.

Recovering from an affair is undeniably challenging, but it is possible. The Gottman Method provides a structured and compassionate approach to help couples navigate this journey. Each phase of recovery—atonement, attunement, and attachment—plays a crucial role in rebuilding trust, deepening connection, and creating a resilient and fulfilling relationship.

 

Healthy Boundary Setting: Understanding the Difference Between Boundaries and Control

 

In the realm of mental health, personal relationships, and couples therapy, the concepts of boundaries and control are often misunderstood. For those new to the idea of setting boundaries, it's crucial to understand what healthy boundaries are and how to display and communicate boundaries properly. One should also be aware that boundaries are not meant to control another person's behavior.

As previously mentioned in my last blog post in this series, I discussed the do’s and don’ts of boundary setting. In this third and final blog post of my boundary series, I will provide examples of what a boundary might look like in practice versus what a non-boundary (aka, controlling behavior) might look like. My overall hope is that this blog post can be used as a guide to clarify these concepts and provide practical tips for establishing boundaries without crossing into control. Understanding this difference is key to maintaining healthy relationships.

Example 1: Privacy in a Relationship 

  • Boundary Setting: "I value my personal space and privacy. I would appreciate it if we could discuss and agree on boundaries regarding sharing our personal information and giving each other space when needed." 

  • Controlling Behavior: "You can't have any private conversations with your friends without letting me know every detail. I need to have access to your phone and messages to make sure nothing is going on." 

Example 2: Time Management in a Friendship 

  • Boundary Setting: "I have a busy schedule, and I need to prioritize certain commitments. I hope you understand that there may be times when I need to decline social invitations. Let's work together to find a balance that works for both of us." 

  • Controlling Behavior: "You're not allowed to make plans with anyone else if I'm available. I want you to prioritize our friendship over other relationships or activities." 

Example 3: Workplace Collaboration 

  • Boundary Setting: "I prefer to receive feedback in a private setting rather than in front of the entire team. It helps me process the information more effectively, and I feel I'm more open to constructive criticism that way." 

  • Controlling Behavior: "You can't give any feedback about my work without discussing it with me first. I need to approve any comments or suggestions you have before sharing them with others." 

Example 4: Family Finances

  • Boundary Setting: "Let's create a budget together so we can manage our finances more effectively. I would like us to agree on spending limits for discretionary expenses to ensure we are on the same page." 

  • Controlling Behavior: "I will be in charge of all the finances, and you need to consult me before making any purchases, no matter how small. I will monitor all transactions to make sure you're following my rules."

In each of these examples, the boundary-setting approach emphasizes personal needs, open communication, and collaboration, essential elements often explored in couples therapy. In contrast, the non-boundary approach involves dictating specific behaviors and limiting the other person's autonomy, which could be viewed as trying to control someone’s behavior. It's important to remember that when boundaries are communicated appropriately, they can promote mutual understanding and respect in a relationship. Whereas trying to control someone's behavior can lead to tension and strain in a relationship.

Need help with healthy boundary setting? Both couples therapy and individual therapy can be avenues for learning how to identify your needs and communicate your boundaries. Reach out today to get started.