There are times when your relationship or marriage feels so-so – when you’re feeling like things are going okay – not bad but also not great. There may be a strong desire and longing for your relationship to be more enjoyable. This can be a common feeling for couples who have just been through a crisis.
If you’re a couple who has started going to couples therapy, these feelings can arise after you and your partner have weathered the crisis that brought you to couples therapy and after you’ve reached a sustained period of time with an even level of stability within your partnership.
Our relationship isn’t on fire or burning down anymore, but are we really enjoying ourselves?
After you’ve been through any stressful relational situation, there’s a good chance those events have changed some aspects of you as a person, how you view life, or how you view your relationship. The events have also probably changed your partner and your interactions in your relationship.
How can we start to enjoy each other’s company again?
When you think about times you felt good with your partner, you may think about the experiences you’ve had together or the memories you have made during your relationship, prior to your crisis. One strategy to start to feel more positively toward your partner is to take or make opportunities to create more positive experiences to add to your memory bank.
Would a date night help?
Date nights can help, and there are strategies that can increase the chance your date night will be a positive experience. The success of a date night doesn’t depend only on spending dedicated, quality time with your partner. Novel experiences – an encounter that both of you are trying for the first time – can take your date nights to a new level of enjoyment. When we try new things, our brain’s reward system is activated, and we produce some of the same chemicals that are also associated with romantic love.
If you take the opportunity to try something new, you may learn something new about yourself, you may learn something about your partner, or you’ll try a new place. Ideas for introducing new experiences to date night can be as simple as changing your dinner venue to a restaurant neither of you has been to before. You can also get more creative and book a cooking class or try stand up paddle boarding.
Approach experiences with your partner from a place of adventure, creativity, and curiosity, and you’ll have a better chance to create connections with your partner that take your relationship or marriage from feeling okay to feeling good again.
If you’re struggling to move forward from the relationship crisis that brought you into couples therapy in the first place, this is a great thing to bring up in your next couples therapy session.
Not yet in couples therapy or marriage counseling but having a difficult time navigating a crisis or getting back to a good place? Reaching out for couples therapy could be a step in the right direction.
Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate
Offering Couples Therapy in Austin, TX