Building a Healthy Relationship with Gratitude: Insights from Couples Therapy

 

As an Austin couples therapy provider, I often see how simple expressions of gratitude can bring couples closer together. Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you” now and then—it’s about intentionally recognizing and appreciating your partner’s efforts, qualities, and the love they bring into your life. In this blog post, I’ll share a few practical, meaningful ways to express gratitude to your partner, creating deeper emotional connection and harmony in your relationship. If you’re considering couples therapy or Austin marriage counseling, practicing gratitude can be a great starting point.

1. Make It a Daily Practice 

Gratitude thrives on consistency. Incorporate small moments of appreciation into your daily routine. Whether it’s thanking your partner for doing the dishes, picking up groceries, or just being there for you, regular acknowledgment of their contributions reinforces the idea that you value them. This daily practice compliments the work many couples do in couples therapy to strengthen their bond.

2. Use Specific and Heartfelt Language 

Instead of generic thank-yous, focus on what makes your gratitude personal and meaningful. For example, instead of saying, “Thanks for dinner,” try, “I really loved the way you made dinner tonight—it was exactly what I needed after a long day.” Being specific shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely value their effort.

3. Give Compliments Beyond the Surface 

While it’s nice to say, “You look great,” try focusing on deeper attributes. Express admiration for their kindness, resilience, or sense of humor. A comment like, “I love how thoughtful you were in helping me prepare for that meeting,” highlights their unique qualities and deepens your connection. Complimenting these traits can also align with the strategies you’ll learn in couples therapy.

4. Surprise Them With Thoughtful Gestures 

Actions often speak louder than words. Surprise your partner with a gesture that reflects your gratitude: 

  • Cook their favorite meal or dessert. 

  • Leave a note of appreciation in a place they’ll find it unexpectedly. 

  • Plan an activity you know they love. 

These small acts show that you’ve been thinking about them and want to make them feel valued.

5. Acknowledge Their Efforts in Challenging Times 

Gratitude is especially impactful when your partner is going through a tough time. Let them know you see their efforts: “I know things have been stressful at work, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for us.”  Couples who attend marriage counseling or couples therapy often find that acknowledgment of effort builds resilience during tough times.

6. Create a Ritual of Gratitude Together 

Consider setting aside time each week to share what you’re grateful for in each other. This could be during a quiet dinner, a weekly check-in, or even before bedtime. A gratitude ritual fosters a culture of appreciation and positivity in your relationship, a practice that many couples refine during couples therapy or marriage counseling.

7. Celebrate Their Individual Achievements 

Gratitude also means supporting and celebrating your partner’s accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Recognize their efforts in personal or professional growth: “I’m so proud of how you handled that project. Your hard work really paid off.” 

8. Be Present and Attentive

Sometimes, the best way to show gratitude is simply to be present. Listen actively when your partner speaks, and show interest in their thoughts and feelings. Your undivided attention is one of the most meaningful ways to say, “I value you.” This attentiveness and ability to “turn toward” one another is a cornerstone of healthy communication and is central to our work in marriage counseling or couples therapy.

Expressing gratitude isn’t just about improving your partner’s day—it’s about nurturing the foundation of your relationship. Start small, stay consistent, and watch how appreciation can transform your connection over time. 

How will you show gratitude to your partner today?

If you’re looking for additional support to strengthen your relationship, consider exploring Austin couples therapy or marriage counseling. At Austin Relational Wellness, we have both in-person couples therapy and online marriage counseling options. Reach out today to schedule a free phone consultation or schedule an appointment online.

 

Finding Rituals and Routine to Feel Grounded During Transition

 

In the summer of 2020, I found myself feeling totally untethered. We were two months into the COVID-19 pandemic, the world was unrecognizable, and my entire counseling and therapy practice had moved online.

Pre-COVID, my day-to-day as a counselor was commuting to South Austin, grabbing lunch on the go, and meeting up with friends and family between engagements. So summer 2020, I found myself stuck in the lull of being at my house 24/7. An Enneagram 7’s nightmare.

This transition was rough. I spent my days alone at home and noticed myself feeling aimless, uncertain, and anxious. There was no end to this work from home in sight, so I needed to find something to ground me.

I knew from my work with my counseling clients that having a routine can help with both anxiety and depression. When we’re going through a major transition, routines and rituals can be extremely helpful. I also know that creating a routine when you are depressed can be challenging… so I implemented a few things.

My Daily Routine to Support Mental Health & Counter Depression

Wake Up

I started getting up at the same time each day, even if my meetings started a little later that day. Even if I just woke up and went and sat on the couch. I got out of bed and started my day.

Get Ready

I fixed my hair and makeup and put on real clothes, down to my shoes. Even If I didn’t plan to leave the house or have a client-facing counseling session, there was something grounding in me taking care of myself in this way. It’s not for everyone, but for me, when I look and feel put together, I feel my best. No one could see my shoes, but I felt better.

Make Your Bed

I made my bed. You hear this all the time, if you do one thing… make your bed! Even if your day ends up terrible, you still accomplished this, and you get into a nicely made bed that evening. 

Feel the Earth

I got outside for a few minutes each morning. Felt my feet on the earth, let the sun shine on my face, observed the birds, sat with my dog. There are countless benefits of vitamin D and grounding in the earth. We need to get out of our house! One of the first things I ask my clients when they report being overwhelmed or depressed is… “Have you been outside today?”

Transition out of Work Mode

Lastly, I changed my clothes after work to signal the transition to non-work mode. I no longer had the time during my typical commute to process my day, so this ritual helped me feel done with my day and able to leave all the energy behind.

The Importance of Ritual in Transition

All of these things I implemented became a daily ritual for me that helped me feel grounded and present for whatever the day brought me. It’s been over two years since I developed these rituals to help me cope with such a challenging transition period. They have become second nature to me and continue to help me feel grounded on a daily basis.

As I find myself in the last weeks of my pregnancy, preparing for what will most likely be the biggest transition I’ve experienced thus far, I intend to not only keep these in practice, but also implement new ideas to stay grounded and present during the next few weeks.

I’ll be working on some technology boundaries so I don’t end up in mindless scrolling or overstimulation from internet parenting advice. This might look like staying off my phone for a few hours in the morning, deleting Instagram for the first month, or sitting with my own intuition for 10 minutes before Googling something. I’ll also focus on routines that help me maintain a peaceful environment with minimal effort. I’ve already prepared by getting rid of a ton of extra stuff in my home that required management to make room for the new!

What daily rituals or routines help you feel grounded during transitions?

Article by Cat van der Westhuizen, MA, LPC, LMFT