1. "The Power of Tiny Habits" by BJ Fogg

Small actions create big change—this core idea from behavioral scientist BJ Fogg remains as relevant as ever. This book provides practical strategies for building habits that stick, with an emphasis on starting small. Whether you're working on improving your mental health or tackling daily productivity, Fogg’s insights are game-changing.

Therapist's Take: I recommend this book to clients who feel overwhelmed by change. It shows how incremental progress can lead to profound transformation over time.

2. "Atlas of the Heart" by Brené Brown

Brené Brown's exploration of human emotions offers a roadmap for understanding ourselves and connecting with others. She delves into 87 distinct emotions and experiences, helping readers expand their emotional vocabulary and build empathy.

Therapist's Take: This book is an excellent resource for clients working on emotional intelligence, relationship challenges, or self-compassion.

3. "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle" by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

In an age where burnout is increasingly common, this book provides actionable advice for managing stress and completing the stress cycle. The Nagoski sisters blend science and storytelling to offer practical solutions for restoring balance.

Therapist's Take: I frequently recommend this book to clients who struggle with chronic stress, perfectionism, or feelings of overwhelm.

4. "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being, yet they’re often difficult to establish. Nedra Glover Tawwab offers clear guidance for identifying, setting, and maintaining boundaries in all areas of life.

Therapist's Take: This is a must-read for anyone learning to prioritize their needs without guilt. It’s an empowering resource for managing relationships and self-care.

5. "Emotional Agility" by Susan David

In this rapidly changing world, the ability to navigate emotions with flexibility is crucial. Susan David offers a science-backed framework for building emotional resilience and embracing life’s complexities.

Therapist's Take: This book is especially valuable for clients experiencing transitions or seeking to align their actions with their values.

6. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver

This groundbreaking book by renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman distills decades of research into practical relationship advice for building a strong and healthy partnership. It covers everything from managing conflict to fostering intimacy and emotional connection.

Couples Therapist's Take: I often recommend this book to couples seeking actionable strategies to enhance their relationship. The exercises and insights make it a practical guide for any stage of a partnership.

7. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson

Rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book by Dr. Sue Johnson offers a roadmap for creating deeper bonds through meaningful conversations. It helps couples understand and respond to each other's emotional needs, fostering secure and loving connections.

Couples Therapist's Take: This book is a wonderful resource for couples looking to rebuild trust, improve communication, or deepen their emotional intimacy.

How to Choose the Right Book for You

When selecting a self-help book, consider your current goals or challenges. Are you looking to improve your relationships, manage stress, or understand yourself better? The right book can feel like a conversation with a wise and supportive guide.

Remember, books are tools—reading is just the beginning. Applying what you learn is where the real growth happens. If you’re exploring these topics and feel you need additional support, therapy can be an excellent space to deepen your insights and put them into practice.

At Austin Relational Wellness, we offer therapy services aimed at helping individuals navigate their challenges and enhance their relationships. Partner with a professional and get tailored guidance and a safe space to deepen your insights and implement positive changes in your life!

Article by Licensed Couples Therapist, Emily Ilseng, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Therapy, Marriage Counseling & Individual Therapy

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Building a Healthy Relationship with Gratitude: Insights from Couples Therapy

January 7, 2025

As an Austin couples therapy provider, I often see how simple expressions of gratitude can bring couples closer together. Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you” now and then—it’s about intentionally recognizing and appreciating your partner’s efforts, qualities, and the love they bring into your life. In this blog post, I’ll share a few practical, meaningful ways to express gratitude to your partner, creating deeper emotional connection and harmony in your relationship. If you’re considering couples therapy or Austin marriage counseling, practicing gratitude can be a great starting point.

1. Make It a Daily Practice

Gratitude thrives on consistency. Incorporate small moments of appreciation into your daily routine. Whether it’s thanking your partner for doing the dishes, picking up groceries, or just being there for you, regular acknowledgment of their contributions reinforces the idea that you value them. This daily practice compliments the work many couples do in couples therapy to strengthen their bond.

2. Use Specific and Heartfelt Language

Instead of generic thank-yous, focus on what makes your gratitude personal and meaningful. For example, instead of saying, “Thanks for dinner,” try, “I really loved the way you made dinner tonight—it was exactly what I needed after a long day.” Being specific shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely value their effort.

3. Give Compliments Beyond the Surface

While it’s nice to say, “You look great,” try focusing on deeper attributes. Express admiration for their kindness, resilience, or sense of humor. A comment like, “I love how thoughtful you were in helping me prepare for that meeting,” highlights their unique qualities and deepens your connection. Complimenting these traits can also align with the strategies you’ll learn in couples therapy.

4. Surprise Them With Thoughtful Gestures

Actions often speak louder than words. Surprise your partner with a gesture that reflects your gratitude:

Cook their favorite meal or dessert.
Leave a note of appreciation in a place they’ll find it unexpectedly.
Plan an activity you know they love.

These small acts show that you’ve been thinking about them and want to make them feel valued.

5. Acknowledge Their Efforts in Challenging Times

Gratitude is especially impactful when your partner is going through a tough time. Let them know you see their efforts: “I know things have been stressful at work, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for us.” Couples who attend marriage counseling or couples therapy often find that acknowledgment of effort builds resilience during tough times.

6. Create a Ritual of Gratitude Together

Consider setting aside time each week to share what you’re grateful for in each other. This could be during a quiet dinner, a weekly check-in, or even before bedtime. A gratitude ritual fosters a culture of appreciation and positivity in your relationship, a practice that many couples refine during couples therapy or marriage counseling.

7. Celebrate Their Individual Achievements

Gratitude also means supporting and celebrating your partner’s accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Recognize their efforts in personal or professional growth: “I’m so proud of how you handled that project. Your hard work really paid off.”

8. Be Present and Attentive

Sometimes, the best way to show gratitude is simply to be present. Listen actively when your partner speaks, and show interest in their thoughts and feelings. Your undivided attention is one of the most meaningful ways to say, “I value you.” This attentiveness and ability to “turn toward” one another is a cornerstone of healthy communication and is central to our work in marriage counseling or couples therapy.

Expressing gratitude isn’t just about improving your partner’s day—it’s about nurturing the foundation of your relationship. Start small, stay consistent, and watch how appreciation can transform your connection over time.

How will you show gratitude to your partner today?

If you’re looking for additional support to strengthen your relationship, consider exploring Austin couples therapy or marriage counseling. At Austin Relational Wellness, we have both in-person couples therapy and online marriage counseling options. Reach out today to schedule a free phone consultation or schedule an appointment online.

Article by Emily Ilseng, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling

Contact Emily

6 Strategies to Help Couples Navigate Life Transitions as a Team

July 31, 2024

Major life transitions, such as moving to a new city, having a baby, or changing careers, can bring about significant changes in a couple's dynamic. While these transitions can be exciting, they can also be challenging and stressful. In this blog post, we'll explore strategies for couples to support each other during these significant changes and maintain a strong, healthy relationship.

Understanding Major Life Transitions

Common Types of Life Transitions

Relocation: Moving to a new home or city
Career Changes: Starting a new job or business, changing careers, or going back to school
Family Changes: Getting married, having a baby, dealing with a family illness, or caring for aging parents
Financial Changes: Significant changes in income, such as a job loss or major investment

Common Challenges for Couples Experiencing Life Transitions

Stress and Anxiety: Uncertainty and fear of the unknown
Communication Breakdown: Misunderstandings and lack of communication
Different Coping Mechanisms: Each partner may handle stress differently

Strategies for Navigating Life Transitions

Open Communication

Regular Check-Ins: Schedule time to talk about each partner’s feelings, needs, concerns, and expectations.
Active Listening: Listen to each other without interrupting and validate each other’s feelings.
Transparency: Be honest about your needs and worries.
Refrain from Criticizing: Transitions are difficult enough. Focus on your partner’s positive qualities and refrain from criticizing during conversations.
Check your Defensiveness: With increased stress and anxiety, it’s easy to be defensive and blaming. Manage your defensiveness and own your part to help conversations go more smoothly.

Set Realistic Expectations

Manage Expectations: Understand that things might not go as planned and be prepared to adapt.
Be Patient: Allow time for adjustment, and don’t rush the process.

Work as a Team

Share Responsibilities: Divide tasks and support each other in managing the workload.
Problem-Solve Together: Approach challenges as a team rather than individually.

Seek Support

Professional Help: Consider seeing a couples therapist to help navigate the transition.
Support Networks: Lean on friends and family for additional support.

Self-Care and Mutual Care

Personal Well-being: Take time for self-care activities to reduce stress.
Quality Time Together: Spend time doing enjoyable activities to strengthen your bond.

Celebrate Milestones

Acknowledge Progress: Celebrate small wins and progress in your journey.
Create Positive Memories: Focus on creating positive experiences together.

Navigating these transitions alone can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. The strategies outlined may seem simple, but they can be difficult to implement when you’re in the midst of stress, anxiety, and communication difficulties. Our couples therapy services are designed to help you and your partner manage these changes and come out stronger on the other side.

If you’re facing a significant life transition and need support, contact us today to schedule a free consultation for Austin couples therapy and take the first step toward a healthier, happier relationship. Let us help you turn these challenges into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

Article by Hannah Eubank, LPC, LMFT

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A New Way to Approach the New Year, Sans the Resolution

January 5, 2023

Another year, another resolution. Do you sometimes feel like you are going through the motions, and then it hits you… it’s Christmas again… suddenly it’s another New Year's Eve. Then you start thinking about what your resolution was last year…

“Was I supposed to go on a diet or get a gym membership?

Run a marathon?

Book a dream trip?”

Did it happen? What if, instead of creating a bucket list or a goal, you approached the new year with a sense of self and focused on inner growth, mindfulness, and meaning?

Growth

Instead of looking at the year and what you "should" or "shouldn't" do, explore where you have grown and where you want to grow. On a piece of paper, write down the things you wish to leave behind — perhaps it is shame or a toxic friendship. You might even wish to ceremonially burn this list in the act of letting go. Then, on another piece of paper, write down what you want to take with you — perhaps it is spending more time with family or saving money. Next, make a list of what you love about yourself and what you are proud of accomplishing in the last year.

Mindfulness

Research shows that being present is key to having a better quality of life. About 95% of the time, we are on autopilot, so why not slow down and become more aware of our thoughts, behaviors, and actions? One way to be present is through being mindful. Mindfulness is defined as finding purposeful ways to live in the present moment. There are many mindful practices, including yoga, journaling, and breathing.

Here are a couple of other mindfulness practices you can try implementing into your daily routine:

Wake up with gratitude and purpose: When you wake up, don't immediately go for your phone. Instead, put your hand over your heart and name three things you are grateful for. Then ask yourself what your purpose is today.

Intentional Eating: When you eat, chew slower. Try to notice the flavors, and be grateful for your meal.

Meaning

When we are mindful, we can access our consciousness more. Greater Good Magazine authors and researchers write a lot about happiness and meaning. One recent study found that people were happier when they lived more meaningful lives. As psychiatrist and psychotherapist Viktor Frankl theorized, research shows you can find meaning through experience, understanding, and purpose.

Experience: This can be through a walk in nature or a concert with a loved one. How do you currently create significance in experiences?

Understanding: Another way we make meaning in life is by making sense of it. A great way to explore this is through individual therapy. Some examples of questions that may be explored in individual therapy are: “Do I accept my family?” or “Are my basic needs being met?”

Purpose: The third way to find meaning is through purpose. What is your purpose, and why is it important to you? Is it helping to care for a loved one? Having children? Donating your time to charitable efforts? Are you doing something beyond yourself?

This year, consider forgoing the typical resolution and cultivating a growth mindset, mindfulness, and meaning. Focusing on these areas will surely build a lifetime of legacy more meaningful than unrealized resolutions.

If you could use a guide to help you explore, I’m currently accepting new clients for individual therapy.

Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Couples Therapy & Individual Therapy in Austin, Texas

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