Top Self-Help Books to Read in 2025: Therapist-Recommended

 

As a licensed couples therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how the right book can serve as a powerful catalyst for personal growth, healing, and self-awareness. The self-help genre continues to evolve, with authors tackling everything from mental health and relationships to productivity and emotional resilience. If you're looking for guidance or inspiration in 2025, here are some of my recommendations. 

1. "The Power of Tiny Habits" by BJ Fogg 

Small actions create big change—this core idea from behavioral scientist BJ Fogg remains as relevant as ever. This book provides practical strategies for building habits that stick, with an emphasis on starting small. Whether you're working on improving your mental health or tackling daily productivity, Fogg’s insights are game-changing. 

Therapist's Take: I recommend this book to clients who feel overwhelmed by change. It shows how incremental progress can lead to profound transformation over time. 

2. "Atlas of the Heart" by Brené Brown 

Brené Brown's exploration of human emotions offers a roadmap for understanding ourselves and connecting with others. She delves into 87 distinct emotions and experiences, helping readers expand their emotional vocabulary and build empathy. 

Therapist's Take: This book is an excellent resource for clients working on emotional intelligence, relationship challenges, or self-compassion. 

3. "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle" by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski 

In an age where burnout is increasingly common, this book provides actionable advice for managing stress and completing the stress cycle. The Nagoski sisters blend science and storytelling to offer practical solutions for restoring balance. 

Therapist's Take: I frequently recommend this book to clients who struggle with chronic stress, perfectionism, or feelings of overwhelm. 

4. "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab 

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being, yet they’re often difficult to establish. Nedra Glover Tawwab offers clear guidance for identifying, setting, and maintaining boundaries in all areas of life. 

Therapist's Take: This is a must-read for anyone learning to prioritize their needs without guilt. It’s an empowering resource for managing relationships and self-care. 

5. "Emotional Agility" by Susan David 

In this rapidly changing world, the ability to navigate emotions with flexibility is crucial. Susan David offers a science-backed framework for building emotional resilience and embracing life’s complexities. 

Therapist's Take: This book is especially valuable for clients experiencing transitions or seeking to align their actions with their values.

6. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver

This groundbreaking book by renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman distills decades of research into practical relationship advice for building a strong and healthy partnership. It covers everything from managing conflict to fostering intimacy and emotional connection. 

Couples Therapist's Take: I often recommend this book to couples seeking actionable strategies to enhance their relationship. The exercises and insights make it a practical guide for any stage of a partnership. 

7. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson 

Rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book by Dr. Sue Johnson offers a roadmap for creating deeper bonds through meaningful conversations. It helps couples understand and respond to each other's emotional needs, fostering secure and loving connections. 

Couples Therapist's Take: This book is a wonderful resource for couples looking to rebuild trust, improve communication, or deepen their emotional intimacy. 

How to Choose the Right Book for You 

When selecting a self-help book, consider your current goals or challenges. Are you looking to improve your relationships, manage stress, or understand yourself better? The right book can feel like a conversation with a wise and supportive guide. 

Remember, books are tools—reading is just the beginning. Applying what you learn is where the real growth happens. If you’re exploring these topics and feel you need additional support, therapy can be an excellent space to deepen your insights and put them into practice.

At Austin Relational Wellness, we offer therapy services aimed at helping individuals navigate their challenges and enhance their relationships. Partner with a professional and get tailored guidance and a safe space to deepen your insights and implement positive changes in your life!

 

Building a Healthy Relationship with Gratitude: Insights from Couples Therapy

 

As an Austin couples therapy provider, I often see how simple expressions of gratitude can bring couples closer together. Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you” now and then—it’s about intentionally recognizing and appreciating your partner’s efforts, qualities, and the love they bring into your life. In this blog post, I’ll share a few practical, meaningful ways to express gratitude to your partner, creating deeper emotional connection and harmony in your relationship. If you’re considering couples therapy or Austin marriage counseling, practicing gratitude can be a great starting point.

1. Make It a Daily Practice 

Gratitude thrives on consistency. Incorporate small moments of appreciation into your daily routine. Whether it’s thanking your partner for doing the dishes, picking up groceries, or just being there for you, regular acknowledgment of their contributions reinforces the idea that you value them. This daily practice compliments the work many couples do in couples therapy to strengthen their bond.

2. Use Specific and Heartfelt Language 

Instead of generic thank-yous, focus on what makes your gratitude personal and meaningful. For example, instead of saying, “Thanks for dinner,” try, “I really loved the way you made dinner tonight—it was exactly what I needed after a long day.” Being specific shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely value their effort.

3. Give Compliments Beyond the Surface 

While it’s nice to say, “You look great,” try focusing on deeper attributes. Express admiration for their kindness, resilience, or sense of humor. A comment like, “I love how thoughtful you were in helping me prepare for that meeting,” highlights their unique qualities and deepens your connection. Complimenting these traits can also align with the strategies you’ll learn in couples therapy.

4. Surprise Them With Thoughtful Gestures 

Actions often speak louder than words. Surprise your partner with a gesture that reflects your gratitude: 

  • Cook their favorite meal or dessert. 

  • Leave a note of appreciation in a place they’ll find it unexpectedly. 

  • Plan an activity you know they love. 

These small acts show that you’ve been thinking about them and want to make them feel valued.

5. Acknowledge Their Efforts in Challenging Times 

Gratitude is especially impactful when your partner is going through a tough time. Let them know you see their efforts: “I know things have been stressful at work, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for us.”  Couples who attend marriage counseling or couples therapy often find that acknowledgment of effort builds resilience during tough times.

6. Create a Ritual of Gratitude Together 

Consider setting aside time each week to share what you’re grateful for in each other. This could be during a quiet dinner, a weekly check-in, or even before bedtime. A gratitude ritual fosters a culture of appreciation and positivity in your relationship, a practice that many couples refine during couples therapy or marriage counseling.

7. Celebrate Their Individual Achievements 

Gratitude also means supporting and celebrating your partner’s accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Recognize their efforts in personal or professional growth: “I’m so proud of how you handled that project. Your hard work really paid off.” 

8. Be Present and Attentive

Sometimes, the best way to show gratitude is simply to be present. Listen actively when your partner speaks, and show interest in their thoughts and feelings. Your undivided attention is one of the most meaningful ways to say, “I value you.” This attentiveness and ability to “turn toward” one another is a cornerstone of healthy communication and is central to our work in marriage counseling or couples therapy.

Expressing gratitude isn’t just about improving your partner’s day—it’s about nurturing the foundation of your relationship. Start small, stay consistent, and watch how appreciation can transform your connection over time. 

How will you show gratitude to your partner today?

If you’re looking for additional support to strengthen your relationship, consider exploring Austin couples therapy or marriage counseling. At Austin Relational Wellness, we have both in-person couples therapy and online marriage counseling options. Reach out today to schedule a free phone consultation or schedule an appointment online.

 

Stonewalling: Why the Silent Treatment Doesn’t Work & What to Do Instead

 

Stonewalling

In the post, Four Behaviors in a Marriage that Predict Divorce: Gottman’s Four Horsemen, we explained The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as outlined in Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver's book 'The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work' and used in couples and marriage counseling – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To deepen our understanding of these unhealthy relationship patterns, this final post in the series will focus on the concept of stonewalling.

What is stonewalling?

Stonewalling occurs when one partner is feeling overwhelmed or flooded with emotions, leading to a withdrawal from the conversation, emotional shutdown, or refusal to engage. During stonewalling, one partner may become silent, avoid eye contact, or physically leave the room. Stonewalling creates emotional distance and frustration for the other partner.

Scenario showing stonewalling

Parker and Courtney have two young children. They have noticed that, as their kids are getting older, they fight more frequently about how to parent them. In the last couple months, after what feels like the same repeating fights, stonewalling has become a part of their negative communication cycle.

Just last week, the couple found themselves in a tense conversation about their parenting styles. Realizing that they needed to keep talking about the issue, Courtney approached Parker in the kitchen, saying, "I think you and I need to find a way to some middle ground with how we parent kids… don’t you think?”

Parker just shook his head and walked away from her, without saying a word.

Courtney was suddenly in the kitchen by herself. She tried to call out after Parker, but he just ignored her.

What is the antidote to stonewalling?

Gottman recommends that if either partner feels too emotionally overwhelmed or charged, they should share that information and ask to have the conversation at another time. When taking a break is necessary, it's important to set a specific time to return to the discussion. During the time apart, each partner should focus on self-soothing activities. The goal of this intervention is to return to the conversation with a clearer mind, regulated emotions, and a more intentional approach to resolving the issue.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

Instead of just leaving the room and ignoring Courtney, Parker could have shared that he was feeling overwhelmed or frustrated and asked to have the conversation at another time. Courtney would have then had the opportunity to acknowledge Parker's request and agree to revisit the discussion when they were both in a better state of mind. 

Do you or your partner tend to stonewall during an argument? Marriage counseling can help. Contact us for a free phone consultation and start the process of repairing your marriage or relationship.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Marriage Counseling + Gottman Method Couples Counseling

 

Defensiveness: Stop Blaming Your Partner & Start Taking Responsibility

 

Defensiveness

The first entry in our blog series, Four Behaviors in a Marriage that Predict Divorce: Gottman’s Four Horsemen, detailed The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a concept noted in Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver's The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work – these include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To gain a better understanding of these detrimental relational dynamics, this post will concentrate on defensiveness – a common issue that comes up in couples counseling.

What is defensiveness?

Defensiveness is a natural response when one feels attacked or criticized. This becomes problematic when this reaction becomes a default mode of communication. Instead of accepting responsibility and trying to understand the other person’s perspective, there is usually a counterattack or deflection of blame.

Scenario showing defensiveness

For the last several weeks, June and Marty had been trying to navigate a perpetual issue in their marriage, and they both had noticed that the other had become very defensive when the topic came up.

Most days, after a meal, June would notice that Marty would leave his dirty dishes in the sink. One day she said, “I've asked you so many times to wash your dishes after you eat. It's like you never listen to me or care about my feelings. I just don’t get it."

Marty, feeling attacked, responded with, "Well, I'm not the only one who leaves dishes lying around. You do it too. I'm not the only one with the issue here."

June felt unheard and really didn’t like that Marty was throwing the responsibility back on her, so she said, "Yes, I may occasionally leave a dish in the sink, but that's not the point. I'm talking about your habit of doing it all the time, every day. You’re avoiding the issue."

Marty continued to try to justify his behavior by saying, "Well, you're making it sound like I'm a slob or something. I don't see what the big deal is."

The conversation had quickly devolved into a back-and-forth exchange where they weren’t resolving the issue and each of them was becoming more frustrated and defensive.

What is the antidote to defensiveness?

Gottman's remedy for defensiveness involves taking responsibility for your part in the conflict, trying to listen to your partner's perspective, and acknowledging their feelings. If you respond like this, you can shift the conversation from a negative communication loop into a more constructive dialogue, increasing the chances of resolution.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

To address the situation more constructively, Marty could have responded differently, acknowledging June's concerns and taking responsibility for his actions. In response, June could have then expressed appreciation for Marty's willingness to acknowledge her concern and suggested they work together to find a solution to the problem.

The remedy for defensiveness in a marriage sounds simple, but it’s not so easy to actually put into practice. Couples counseling can help. A couples counselor can spot defensiveness, make you aware of the cycle you’re caught in, and help you move toward greater acceptance of responsibility and understanding in your relationship. Contact us to be matched with a couples counselor who uses the Gottman Method to get started!

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Counseling + Gottman Method Couples Counseling

 

Contempt: 1 Simple Practice to Stop It From Ruining Your Relationship

 

Contempt

In our initial blog post, we introduced The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as outlined in Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver's book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To delve deeper into these harmful relationship patterns, this post will examine contempt.

What is contempt?

Contempt involves an attitude of superiority and disrespect towards the partner, often manifesting through sarcasm, mockery, or name-calling. Expressions of contempt might include eye-rolling, using demeaning language, or belittling the partner's opinions or interests. Contempt conveys a lack of regard for the other person's feelings and erodes the foundation of trust and intimacy.

Scenario showing contempt in a relationship

Will and Brett’s relationship had become strained due to their ongoing, stressful conflicts. In the last few months, their disagreements had started to include some contemptuous communication, and both of them were becoming more unhappy in their relationship. Their latest fight was over their upcoming summer vacation plans – which should have been a positive discussion to have. 

Brett expressed his desire to go to the beach since they had gone on several consecutive hiking vacations in the mountains over the last couple years. When Will said he wanted to go back to the mountains, Brett replied, “That’s not happening. We just did that last year. You aren’t ever able to slow down and relax…or agree to do what I want to do. I really don’t understand why we always have to go, go, go, on vacation all the time.”

Will, feeling dismissed, replied, “You're just being lazy as usual {and rolled his eyes}. It's pathetic how you don’t want to get out and appreciate nature. You only want to do nothing and lounge in the sun."

In this scenario, contempt was evident in Will's response. He not only disagreed with Brett's preference but also insulted him by implying that Brett was lazy and incapable of appreciating the outdoors.

What is the antidote to contempt? A simple practice to stop contempt in its tracks

To combat contempt, Gottman recommends building a culture of appreciation and respect in the relationship. Couples should actively nurture fondness and admiration for each other. Instead of contemptuous behavior, express appreciation and gratitude, regularly. Replace sarcastic remarks with kind and affirming words to help restore mutual respect and emotional closeness.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

In response, Brett could have acknowledged Will's feelings and attempted to find a middle ground for their vacation plans. This alternative approach would have strengthened their ability to have healthier communication and allowed them to work together to resolve their differences.

Do you recognize contempt showing up in your relationship? Relationship counseling can help. Contact us for a free phone consultation and start the process of repairing your relationship.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Relationship Counseling + Gottman Couples Counseling

 

Criticism: The Destructive Behavior to Stop Doing in Your Marriage or Relationship

 

Criticism

In the first post in this blog series on destructive communication patterns in your marriage, we defined The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as described in the book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by Dr. Gottman and Nan Silver – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. To understand more about each of these dysfunctional relational cycles, this second post will focus on criticism, a communication pattern that often presents itself during marriage counseling.

What is criticism?

Criticism represents a destructive communication style where one partner attacks the other's character or personality, rather than addressing a specific behavior or situation. Instead of addressing the specific behavior, one partner generalizes the other’s faults or blames the other partner.

Scenario showing criticism in a marriage

Susie and Bill were high school sweethearts and married after college. Given the length of their relationship, they have certainly had their fair share of arguments. However, lately, their disagreements have started to turn critical.

Recently, Susie expressed her frustration with Bill, after he’d forgotten their anniversary a few days earlier. When Bill walked into the kitchen to grab a snack, Susie said, “Bill, I can't believe you forgot our anniversary again. It's like you don't care about our relationship or the things that are important to me.” Hearing this, Bill immediately replied, “Oh, come on, Susie.  It's just a date on the calendar. You're always making a big deal out of nothing. You're too sensitive, and you expect me to remember every little thing.”

In this short interaction, you can see clearly that Susie's part of the conversation turned critical when she accused Bill of not caring about their relationship. In doing this, she made a global statement about his character, implying he was neglecting their bond and being inconsiderate.

The Antidote to Criticism: How to stop criticism from destroying your marriage

Dr. Gottman suggests that couples combat criticism by practicing what he calls a "softened start-up." This technique involves approaching your partner by sharing your feelings and then relating these feelings to a specific concern in a gentle and non-accusatory way.

How could this interaction have gone differently?

Instead of making general statements about Bill's character, Susie could have said, "Bill, I really felt hurt and disappointed when you forgot our anniversary the other day. I always think about our anniversary as a day to celebrate us as a couple, and that day is important to me. It would mean a lot to me if you would remember that day as a special day for us." This approach focuses on Susie’s feelings and the specific behavior of Bill’s, rather than attacking him or globalizing his behavior.

Need a little help overcoming criticism in your relationship? Marriage counseling can help. Contact us for a free phone consultation and get your marriage back on track.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Marriage Counseling, Individual Counseling for Women, & Individual Counseling for Men

 

Four Behaviors in a Marriage that Predict Divorce: Gottman’s Four Horsemen

 

In the book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver, the authors discuss Dr. Gottman’s "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse". The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are communication patterns that, if present, can indicate significant relational distress and can even be a strong indicator to predict a breakup or divorce. If any of these patterns show up during interactions with your partner, pay attention and take action. Learn to identify, understand, and fix these dynamics so that you can improve your relationship or marriage (and even save it!).

What are The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

  1. Criticism

    Criticism represents a destructive communication style where one partner attacks the other's character or personality, rather than addressing a specific behavior or situation. Instead of addressing the specific behavior, one partner generalizes the other’s faults or blames the other partner.

  2. Contempt

    Contempt shows up when one partner expresses an attitude of superiority and disrespect towards the other partner, which is often seen through sarcasm or name-calling. This can include physical eye-rolling or making comments that belittle the other partner's opinions. 

  3. Defensiveness

    Defensiveness is expressed when one partner neglects to accept responsibility and fails to try to understand their partner's perspective. Usually, defensive individuals tend to immediately counterattack or deflect blame.

  4. Stonewalling

    Stonewalling occurs when one partner refuses to engage with the other or emotionally shuts down due to feeling generally overwhelmed or flooded with specific emotions. This response can include acts such as avoiding eye contact or physically leaving the room.

Sometimes, it’s hard to acknowledge that you and your partner are struggling to communicate effectively. Learning about Dr. Gottman’s concepts (such as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse) can be helpful when you are feeling stuck and wondering how to improve interactions with your partner. By recognizing and addressing these destructive communication patterns, you can start to improve some of your negative communication habits. If efforts are not made to improve or change these patterns, your relationship or marriage may continue to suffer and, in time, become less and less beneficial to you or your partner. 

So how can you identify these issues and make changes? In the next four parts of this blog series, we’ll look at each of these patterns, examine specific scenarios to illustrate each concept, and discuss how to improve or change each type of dysfunctional cycle.

Article by Lindsay Poth, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Marriage Counseling in Austin, Individual Counseling for Women, & Individual Counseling for Men