Take Charge of Your Mental Health: A Therapist's Guide to Setting Boundaries

 

Boundaries are the invisible lines we draw around ourselves to define our limits, protect our mental health and our emotional and physical well-being, and maintain a sense of autonomy. Establishing boundaries is an act of self-respect, asserting your needs and values in relationships and situations. Maintaining a sense of balance can be challenging, especially when it comes to establishing and maintaining boundaries. As a therapist, I understand the crucial role that boundaries play in our mental health and emotional well-being. In this first blog post in my boundary blog series, we'll explore how you can implement boundaries in your own life. 

7 Tips for Implementing Boundaries from a Mental Health Therapist

1. Self reflect

One of the first steps when thinking about implementing boundaries is to begin by reflecting on your values, needs, and personal boundaries. What behaviors or situations leave you feeling drained or uncomfortable? Identify areas in your life where boundaries are needed.

2. Clarify your limits

Define your boundaries clearly and specifically. Be honest with yourself about what you're comfortable with and what crosses the line, whether it's time, energy, physical space, or emotional intimacy.

3. Communicate assertively

Practice assertive communication when expressing your boundaries to others. Use "I" statements to assert your needs without blaming or accusing. Be direct yet respectful in your interactions when setting boundaries.

4. Set realistic expectations

Be realistic about what you can and cannot control. Understand that not everyone will respect your boundaries, and that's okay. Focus on asserting your limits and prioritizing your well-being, regardless of others' reactions.

5. Learn to say “no” 

Saying no is a powerful act of self-care and boundary-setting. Practice saying no to requests or obligations that conflict with your boundaries. This might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. However, it is essential when working towards maintaining boundaries and prioritizing your well-being.

6. Seek support 

Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect and encourage your boundaries. Seek guidance from friends, family, or a therapist who can offer validation, insight, and encouragement as you navigate the boundary-setting process.

7. Practice self-compassion

Be gentle and kind with yourself as you begin to establish and enforce boundaries. It's normal to feel anxious or guilty when you are beginning to set boundaries. However, remember that prioritizing your well-being is not selfish — it's essential for your overall health and happiness.

By recognizing and respecting our own boundaries, we honor ourselves and create space for growth, authenticity, and fulfillment in our lives. Understanding boundaries and how to implement them is the first step towards cultivating healthier, more balanced relationships with ourselves and others. So, take a moment to reflect on your own boundaries, and remember, it's okay to set limits that prioritize your mental health and well-being.

Starting therapy is a great way to prioritize your well-being. If you’d like some help working through and implementing your own boundaries, reach out for a free phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit for working together!

 

Meet Austin Couples Therapist Emily Ilseng

 

Tell us a little about who you are and your background as a couples therapist…

Hi there! My name is Emily Ilseng, and I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) Associate and couples therapist based in Austin, Texas. Since I started counseling, I have worked with a variety of individuals, couples, teens, and families. I am trained in Prepare/Enrich, which I utilize in premarital therapy with couples, and I also use Gottman Method Couples Therapy.

Why did you choose to become a couples therapist?

Learning about psychology, relationship dynamics, and having an understanding of a person’s personality has always fascinated me, and it is what initially sparked my desire to be a therapist. Growing up, I always wanted to be at a job that revolved around working with others and helping others. Therapy as a profession felt like a great way to help and support others in a personal manner. Another reason why I chose to become a therapist is because I know what it feels like to feel misunderstood and just want to feel seen and heard. As a therapist, I now have the privilege and opportunity to provide a safe space to allow clients to feel heard and seen, as well as explore their emotions and whatever challenges life might be throwing at them.

Where did you get your counseling education?

I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Texas Tech University. I have a Master of Arts in Counseling with a concentration in Marriage, Couples, and Family Therapy from St. Edward's University here in Austin.

What types of therapy clients do you like to work with?

In individual therapy, I love to work with those who might be experiencing perfectionism or are wanting to understand their own relationships or family dynamics. I specialize in couples therapy for those who are longing for a deeper connection with their partner or are wanting to repair their relationship after a betrayal. The reason I love working with these types of individuals or couples has to do with my own personal experience of wanting a deeper understanding of my own relationships and family dynamics. I have a passion for learning about relationships, and I want to help support others who are wanting to gain a better understanding of themselves or their relationship dynamics.

What do you enjoy outside of therapy?

Outside of the therapy room, I like to read my Kindle. My favorite genre right now is psychological thrillers, specifically those written by Freida McFadden! I also enjoy watching college football with friends, and in the fall, I love attending games. My favorite teams to watch are my Texas Tech Red Raiders, of course! A close second favorite is Texas Christian University— Go Frogs! I also love going to spin classes, going for walks on the trail, and playing golf when the weather is nice.

If you resonate with Emily and you’re ready to take the next step, reach out to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation. 

Emily Ilseng, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Therapy and Individual Counseling

 

A New Way to Approach the New Year, Sans the Resolution

 

Another year, another resolution. Do you sometimes feel like you are going through the motions, and then it hits you… it’s Christmas again… suddenly it’s another New Year's Eve. Then you start thinking about what your resolution was last year…

“Was I supposed to go on a diet or get a gym membership?

Run a marathon?

Book a dream trip?”

Did it happen? What if, instead of creating a bucket list or a goal, you approached the new year with a sense of self and focused on inner growth, mindfulness, and meaning?

Growth

Instead of looking at the year and what you "should" or "shouldn't" do, explore where you have grown and where you want to grow. On a piece of paper, write down the things you wish to leave behind — perhaps it is shame or a toxic friendship. You might even wish to ceremonially burn this list in the act of letting go. Then, on another piece of paper, write down what you want to take with you — perhaps it is spending more time with family or saving money. Next, make a list of what you love about yourself and what you are proud of accomplishing in the last year.

Mindfulness

Research shows that being present is key to having a better quality of life. About 95% of the time, we are on autopilot, so why not slow down and become more aware of our thoughts, behaviors, and actions? One way to be present is through being mindful. Mindfulness is defined as finding purposeful ways to live in the present moment. There are many mindful practices, including yoga, journaling, and breathing. 

Here are a couple of other mindfulness practices you can try implementing into your daily routine:

Wake up with gratitude and purpose: When you wake up, don't immediately go for your phone. Instead, put your hand over your heart and name three things you are grateful for. Then ask yourself what your purpose is today.

Intentional Eating: When you eat, chew slower. Try to notice the flavors, and be grateful for your meal.

Meaning

When we are mindful, we can access our consciousness more. Greater Good Magazine authors and researchers write a lot about happiness and meaning. One recent study found that people were happier when they lived more meaningful lives. As psychiatrist and psychotherapist Viktor Frankl theorized, research shows you can find meaning through experience, understanding, and purpose. 

Experience: This can be through a walk in nature or a concert with a loved one. How do you currently create significance in experiences? 

Understanding: Another way we make meaning in life is by making sense of it. A great way to explore this is through individual therapy. Some examples of questions that may be explored in individual therapy are: “Do I accept my family?” or “Are my basic needs being met?”

Purpose: The third way to find meaning is through purpose. What is your purpose, and why is it important to you? Is it helping to care for a loved one? Having children? Donating your time to charitable efforts? Are you doing something beyond yourself?

This year, consider forgoing the typical resolution and cultivating a growth mindset, mindfulness, and meaning. Focusing on these areas will surely build a lifetime of legacy more meaningful than unrealized resolutions.

If you could use a guide to help you explore, I’m currently accepting new clients for individual therapy.

Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Couples Therapy & Individual Therapy in Austin, Texas